Fathead Ann Althouse

Now, I'm very much a social libertarian, so I think the whole ban trans-fat issue is nothing more than another example of governmental intrusion on individual liberty. Plus, anything that might mess with Krispy Kreme doughnuts has to be the work of... SATAN!

However, as any intelligent person (not Ann Althouse) who has done the most basic research (not Ann Althouse), or even watched a news report in the last six months (not Ann Althouse), knows (not Ann Althouse) that the argument (not Ann Althouse) against trans fat is that it raises cholesterol. Trans fat will not make you any fatter than regular, run of the mill fat. Let me illustrate with good ol' southern cooking.

Say I want to fry up some potato pancakes. I need to fry them in some type of what we call grease down here. I can cook up half a pound of bacon and use the droppings to cook my potato pancakes. They will be delicious. They will be extremely fattening. No doubt, they will be generating all kinds of cholesterol in me when I gobble them up. But, those bacon drippings are not trans fats. So, according to the people who supposedly know, it would generate less cholesterol than if I had used Crisco (what we call lard down here, but it's not really lard as we had in olden times which was rendered fat from a pig, it's partially hydrogenated vegetable oil). That's my understanding, though I'm no expert. I only use Crisco to fry chicken. Because fat fat tastes so much better, unless you're making doughnuts and who does that when there's Krispy Kreme? (Oh, and remember, Yanks, Krispy Kreme was born and raised in the South, not Brooklyn).

I can assure you, however, from both personal experience (not Ann Althouse) and keen observational skills (way not Ann Althouse), you will most definitely get just as fat (probably Ann Althouse) from using non-trans fat fatback or bacon drippings (grease) as from using trans-fat Crisco (lard). Promise.

The not-so-inimitable Ann Althouse has a thoroughly unique, and completely fat-headed take on the entire trans fat issue. Not only does she go on to explain oh-so-carefully to us that fat people should be encouraged to be fat so they will die earlier and be less of a drain on resources, but that trans fat will make them fatter than fat fat and the war on trans fat is due to fat people being such an eyesore:

"I simply do not believe that the so-called health side is really composed of people who are solicitous about everyone else's health. I can't prove it, but my intuition is that all the strength on the "health" side of this war comes not from people who really care whether other people are healthy, but from people who don't like having to see fat people. They are concerned about their own aesthetic pleasures, and they think fat is ugly."

Isn't it a given that Ann Althouse couldn't prove herself out of a greasy paper sack? I gotta tell ya, I'd take a fat ass over a fathead like Ann Althouse any day of the week, even Fat Tuesday.